A life cut short by a broken heart,
We were once close but now apart,
Time spent together can never be enough,
The years without you are going to be tough.
You have a smile that brightens the darkest days,
That said you care in so many ways,
And a hearty laugh that sounds like thunder,
That breaks the clouds like a natural wonder.
Sadly the time has come that we must part,
You will always have a permanent niche in my heart.
By the light of stars
They set sail this night
To lands of new
And villages to fight
Of gold and silver they were told
To be taken by the brave and bold
Protected by men as big as a tree
Slay them we must and claim our victory
New villages were made
And lands were settled
They farmed with spade
And maidens protected
Invades they were,
But now no more
No fight to be had
They had settled their score
Yet their deeds live on
Past through history
Through their stories of war
And great victory
You took my yesterday
You’ve robbed me in every way
It’s been 30 years this year
Now you’ve had my final tear
I’ve fallen on the floor
I don’t want this any more
I’ve finally had enough
My life til now had been tough
Now I’m making my last stand
I’ve found my helping hand
I have finally found a way
With my new voice I now say
That I’m giving up my sorrow
So that you can’t steal another tomorrow
I know I haven’t updated this for many many weeks.
I’ve been busy and trying to sort some aspects of my life out and I AM making progress on this issue, but my journey is far from complete.
I have been working on some carving projects and neglecting other areas of my life…including this blog.
I will make more of an effort to keep it updated in the New Year 🙂
The thing that was broken
Has now begun to mend
My hope has been awoken
As I near journeys end
My path has been rough
And filled with much emotion
I knew it was tough
Like sailing a stormy ocean
I do not regret my past
For without it I would not be
Able to move on at last
And finally be free
I can see in plain sight
The end of my plight
The dawn has broken
Now my hope has awoken
A future lies before me
Unwritten and totally free
Whereas before I could not see
That the best is yet to be
I will give it my all
And defiant I stand
Because I will never again fall
For upon my feet I will always land
Mind Maps are something I came across whilst studying for my GCSEs and they have stayed with me since then.
My English teacher, Mrs Morby, told us that before we begin writing a story, we need to plan it out in our heads and visually before we begin writing as it would help us provide structure.
For example, when I was writing the Titanic poem, there were certain areas I wanted to cover such as:
- Why was it going so fast
- Something about the people boarding it
- Recent history
This helped me keep on topic and gave me different areas which I wanted to cover.
But Mind Maps have also helped me when it has felt like I have too much going through my head to even think straight. It has helped me visually see connections to different things that were going through my head and which I couldn’t understand.
I approach Mind Maps in relation to Mental Health as though it was a spiders web.
At the centre of the web is me. My life. And from it there are branches that go off into different areas of my life. The big areas from which everything else is connected. E.g. Work, Health, Home etc.
From here I can break things down even more into the image you can see above. I can then see the bigger picture of what is going through my head and from here I can make connections. E.g. I enjoy outdoor photography so I can make a connection between it and my physical health as it means I have to get out and walk, which has a positive impact on my life.
At the same time I can create a box relating to my PTSD and draw connections to anywhere else in my life that it can be connected.
Suddenly this nice spiders web is no longer orderly and structured, but has connections that link different areas and it becomes quite messy.
But it does help me see those connections and through self-awareness I can either challenge those beliefs or I can pick an area to work on improving.
E.g. Coping = self-harm = physical pain = impact on my physical health as it takes time for my injuries to heal and I feel I need a way to justify them to people who may query them.
In the past I have had to do a web, such as that for my PTSD, in other areas of my life to see what the relationships are between the different groups and where those connections not only are but where they also lead.
So in the end I have an overall picture but also a more detailed picture of each specific area of my life.
Doing it this way has shown me just how complex mental health can be and how it can drastically affect different areas of my life which were seemingly unconnected. But that PTSD has its tendrils linked to every aspect of my life and personality. It’s impossible to untangle it without completely changing the person whom I am today.
In fact, the only way to remove it is to go back in time and stop my dad from being murdered; then I would be a completely different person and we delve into the realms of “what ifs” and that road only leads to pure speculation without any concrete evidence or impact on my life today.
These diagrams are just examples and simplifications of what my life is like.
Any questions, just ask 🙂