I lost my dad at the age of eight,
And this opened a secret gate.
I went down this path of sorrow,
Only to return the next day, tomorrow.
If only people knew,
Of the pain I’d gone through,
They would think twice,
And take my advice,
To stand your ground and face the threat,
Rather than run away and later regret,
That you did not make that vital stand
And someday shake the hand
That you once feared.

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I am someone who has spent the last 30yrs living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of being a Victim/Survivor of 'The Troubles' in Northern Ireland. I am a fossil collector, avid reader, writer and photographer and historical reenactor. I enjoy spending time with my family and spending days, and nights, out exploring the wonders of this little Emerald Isle.

8 thoughts on “Sorrow”

  1. My dad died of lung cancer when I was 11. I lost my brother to suicide when I was 17. Grief is such a hard thing to bear some days. I don’t think people can really understand what its like unless they go through it themselves. It’s important to find others who understand. But to most of all give yourself grace and empathy for the days you just struggle to live. Somedays I just cry because I want to be with them, but I know that I can’t. Those days I give myself the time and space to grieve. Tomorrow is a new day and it does get better. It just goes on without them and that’s always hard. Much love to you. You are doing the best under hard circumstances. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sorry for your losses. Cancer and suicide are hard to understand unless you live it 😢

      Sharing experiences with those who understand can make a huge difference and you can help others and therefore yourself at the same time.

      Due to my PTSD I find it hard to forgive myself for even minor mistakes that happen everyday. I’m quick to berate myself just as I hold myself partly to blame for my dads murder 30yrs ago.

      It’s because of my dad, and with a push from my wife lol, that I’m doing this blog.

      The days you want to give up are the days when you are actually fighting the hardest.

      I believe that everyday I am breathing is a victory and the day I finally quit is the day I see my dad in the next life.

      Until then, every heartbeat is a gift 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow. That’s so tragic!! I have thought that I might have ptsd. I found my mom dead in her apartment in 2010 and ever since, I just avoid things that remind me of it and sometimes still have nightmares. I also have major anxiety about my own health because she died of a blood clot. I fear having some health problem and no one is there to save me. She died and I found her 2 days later. So now I have problems with sleeping if my husband isn’t in the room. It’s kind of bizarre. But definitely not the same as having your parent murdered. I’m sorry. That’s terrible. I hope you keep doing what’s best for your mental health. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps me feel not as strange or out there.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Holy s**t! That’s a terrible and shocking thing to experience.

        It sounds like you may have PTSD. Flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety and avoiding certain situations are all symptoms.

        I can’t imagine what you went, and are still, going through.

        Are you on any meds or have you sought a PTSD diagnosis?

        Every trauma is unique but just as horrific as it affects everyone differently and sometimes those changes can last years.

        I know what you mean bout needing your other half there. My wife is my rock and my anchor.

        You’re not alone and definitely not strange lol. Why would you think you were?

        Through sharing stories and coping mechanisms we learn from each other and can, hopefully, learn to manage our condition a little better.

        I’ve a post I’m going to be writing on Mind Maps in the next day or 2…hopefully I may even get it written and posted today, keep an eye out. It may help

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I haven’t been diagnosed and I’m not on meds. I have bad reactions to almost all meds I go on although I’ve never been on anti depressants. I just try to deal with it naturally. I’m not against meds but struggle to go on them. I try to use exercise and diet to help my mental state. I am seeing a therapist. I might bring up a few things today. I hate being so vulnerable and feeling emotional about it. But I also know you can’t stuff that kind of thing. I’ll watch for your post. If anything, thanks for validating my feelings.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Pills aren’t for everyone and certainly diet and exercise help produce the same affects as pills so as long as you keep it up I wouldn’t worry.

        Therapists do help. Nice to be completely 100% open with someone without having to worry about their feelings. Selfish I know, but that’s what they’re trained and paid for lol.

        The emotional vulnerability feels like being a child trapped in an adults body. You don’t feel in control but you feel compelled to go wherever those emotions take you. You are then always on your guard in case things sneak up on you.

        Bottling things up is DEFINITELY NOT healthy lol. I’ve the scars, physically and mentally, as a result of what happens when those feelings explode out. Just cripples me physically and mentally.

        I’ve been battling “man-flu” so spent most of today sleeping so that post may be delayed a day or 2.

        But in the meantime, if you haven’t already heard of it, try some Mindfulness exercises. Plenty of info online about it and it also helps me. Very easy to do and can be done anywhere.

        You don’t need mine or anyone elses validation for your feelings. But I appreciate the gratitude nonetheless. Thank you for reading my posts and comments. If it helps even a single person then it’s done its job.

        Anything I can do to help, I will 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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